Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
