your room smells of hookers.
And success
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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