the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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