At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
