its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
