Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
