my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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