well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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