Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a burrito and a hug.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize