Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
