the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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