I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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