You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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