I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
