You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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