And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
