Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
