There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
