everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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