...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
