My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
