Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
