why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize