I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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