ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
