my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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