somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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