i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize