Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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