Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
