Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
