dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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