my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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