Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's like iHOP with fire
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
