Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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