I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I color on your dick again?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize