yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize