I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
