I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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