You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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