called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
