how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he thought i was a dude.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
