I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
