He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
