Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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