The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
