WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
