I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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