He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
