I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I looked at my own cervix.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
