I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
