I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
