her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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