I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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