Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
