: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how do flat chested girls get laid?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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