I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
