Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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