So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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