just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
