If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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