If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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