on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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