Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
