I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
