Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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