Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Congratulations! We have a period
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