I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I could fuck to npr.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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