I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
