can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
