maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
