I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
