Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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