Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
