hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize