Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
