Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
