there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
