I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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