sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
