my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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