Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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